I'd Like a Refund on My Refund

According to President Bush, the long-awaited tax rebate checks that comprise the backbone of the bi-partisan economic stimulus package are set to start going out on Monday. As a married filer with a fortuitous SSN and a proclivity for direct deposit, that means I should be getting my $1,200 in the next few days. (Too bad my TV decided to turn pink this week, but I digress.)

In his speech, Bush attempted to bolster consumer confidence by saying, "This money is going to help Americans offset the high prices we're seeing at the gas pump and at the grocery store, and it will also give our economy a boost to help us pull out of this economic slowdown."

Um, offset the high prices "we're" seeing at the gas pump? First of all, take your "we" and shove it, President Silver Spoon! Second of all, I thought the purpose of these rebate checks was to stimulate consumer spending across sectors of the economy, thereby reviving flagging retailers — not to grease the palms of the oil profiteering pirates who are largely responsible for this mess in the first place. To be crystal clear, what we have here is the President publicly stating that American should spend the tax dollars they are about to receive in the mail to increase the profits of the oil companies. Somehow I have a sneaking suspicion that this is pretty much what he was envisioning all along — "Go ahead and jack up prices, INSERT STUPID NICKNAME HERE. Bushie's got it covered."

Hell, why not save postage and just cut out the middle man? Go ahead and make mine out to Exxon Mobile.