Sturm und Drang Makes Me Hungry

Having spent the evening watching primary coverage, I find myself with absolutely no desire to talk about politics and an overwhelming desire to talk about palatics. Here is a list of the top five things I wish I'd been consuming instead of MSBNC election coverage (no offense to Keith "Absurdly Fabulous" Olbermann):

1. Fake Meat Burritos — The more guac the better, and surprisingly good with black olives.

2. Tofu/Asparagus/Mushroom Stir Fry — There's something very satisfying about making a stir fry chock full of the stuff you find yourself picking through the bok choy to get to in restaurants.

3. Three Cheese Lasagna — Doesn't really matter to me what the three cheeses are... ricotta, parmesan, mozzarella, even cottage; toss in a few cloves of garlic for good measure and you have a little bit of Buddha in your mouth, seriously.

4. Goat Cheese and Strawberry Salad — Best with balsamic, and really, the greens are kind of optional.

5. Broccoli Wokly and Cheddar — Because sometimes I feel like being five, and that's okay.

Soy for Streams

The ironic thing about Earth Day is that the greatest impact humans have on the planet is perhaps less on the actual earth than on the planet's water. While we in America go through bottle after plastic bottle of clean water each day, forty percent of the planet's population lack basic sanitation facilities. Literally thousands of children die each day as a result of conditions related to water and hygiene, which I imagine is about as pleasant as it sounds.

What can you do to help? There's the obvious — water your lawn less liberally, wash your car less often, and switch to a low-flow shower head. That last action would save roughly 2,500 gallons of water per year.

But why inconvenience yourself all year long when you can absolve yourself of all moral obligations vis a vis water in just one day? According to The Food Revolution by John Robbins, the production of one single pound of beef uses between 2,500 and 5,200 gallons of water.

Simply put, forgoing one hamburger is better for the environment than not showering at all for an entire year.

I can't imagine an easier way to be environmentally proactive than occasionally skipping the Super-Mega-Double-Crazy-Vein-Polluting Beefy Burger. Besides. These things are pretty damn tasty.

Bigfoot Sightings

In honor of Earth Day on April 22, I will be devoting several of this week's posts to environmental issues. Today I'd like to talk about your shoes. No, not the fact that you've chosen to wear charcoal grey slacks with brown dress-tennies (although that's also a problem). Rather, I'd like to talk about your footprint — your carbon footprint.

Your carbon footprint measures the extent of the adverse impact you have on the environment merely through virtue of your existence in a modern industrial society. The measurement is based on the estimated amount of CO2 emissions you produce each day. The less "green" your lifestyle, the greater your carbon footprint.

The Environmental Protection Agency offers one of many Carbon Footprint Calculators (although they call theirs a Personal Emissions Calculator because if they used the parlance of the people their collective head would explode). According to the EPA, the average two-person household produces about 41,500 pounds of carbon emissions over the course of the year. My husband and I came in at an estimated 33,500. That's better than average, but given the consumption averages of the stereotypical American, that's like saying we're funnier than Jamie Kennedy.

Another fun calculator is at Carbon Footprint. Their calculator allows for more detailed information in terms of dietary habits, travel habits and so forth. My carbon footprint there came out to 7.654. That just a little over one-third of the average American's carbon footprint (20), about two-thirds of the average First-Worlder (11), but almost twice as much as that produced by the average human worldwide (4). I suppose for an imperialist swine I'm doing pretty well (I suspect not eating meat has a lot do with it), but given the worldwide target of 2...

My feet hurt.

But the news isn't all tragic! According to the EPA, if my husband and I replaced six light bulbs in our home with energy-efficient bulbs, it would reduce our annual carbon shoe size by two percent. Done and done.

Click here to see what you can do to quit kicking the planet in the face.

Lasagna Love: Introducing the Sparta-Choke Lasagna

Inspired by The Mean Bean, I decided to create my own veggie lasagna today. Shockingly, it was quite good. For the curious (and the brave):

Ingredients:

8 oz. cream cheese
8 oz. ricotta cheese
A few handfuls of shredded mozzarella cheese (hey, I said this was an experiment)
An indiscernible quantity of parmesan cheese
Optional: 2 eggs
Optional: Chopped garlic
14 oz. can pizza sauce
14 oz. can fire roasted tomatoes
14 oz. spaghetti sauce (your choice)
1 can sliced black olives
1 can quartered artichokes
A few handfuls of spinach
9 no-boil lasagna noodles

Preparation:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix all of the cheeses together in a large mixing bowl and set aside. If you like, include the eggs and the garlic. Mix all of the sauces together in another large mixing bowl and set aside. In a 9x13 lasagna pan, pour a thin layer of the sauce to cover the bottom of the pan. Then lay three noodles on top of the sauce. Spread 1/3 of the cheese mixture over the noodles, then spread 1/3 of the veggies over the cheese mixture. Repeat the layering until all of the ingredients are gone (although you should save some sauce to pour over the top of the final layer). Toss another handful of mozzarella cheese over the whole thing and pop it in the oven for an hour. When you remove the lasagna, let it sit for 10 minutes before eating (unless you're like me and you don't mind eating stuff that is literally still boiling).

Total prep time is about 15 minutes. And it's really good!

Which is nice, because I'd be eating it for a week either way...

FOR SPARTA!

Feng Pshaw

McDonald's is in the process of introducing Feng Shui design principles to its restaurants in the hopes of attracting more customers.

Here's a thought. How about instead of attempting to put a pretty pink bow into the hair of a corpse and then calling it a prom queen, you start serving something other than decrepit, chemically treated and occasionally diseased flesh?

Just, you know, a suggestion. But hey — bamboo siding is also nice.

Of Which We Spare Ourselves the Sight

One of the myriad benefits of being a vegetarian is that when stories like this hit the stands, I don't have to immediately chuck the contents of my freezer out the window.

According to the L.A. Times, "An undercover video showing crippled and sick animals being shoved with forklifts has led to the largest beef recall in the United States and a scramble to find out if any of the meat is still destined for school children's lunches." Prompted by animal rights activists, 143 million pounds of beef have been recalled. Undercover video has shown cows at the Westland/Hallmark been company being electrocuted, kicked, run over with forklifts and even waterboarded.

It gets better — apparently roughly one quarter of the recalled meat has quite likely already been consumed by school children.

I have always found the following words of the late Nobel Prize recipient Albert Schweitzer** to be inspiring, and I think they are deeply appropriate now — "Think occasionally the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight." Honoring that spirit, I think it not unreasonable to suggest that those who consume animals ought to occasionally make themselves privy to the unhappy circumstances from whence their Happy Meals spring:



Here's a direct link.

In the event that you find yourself suddenly desirous of a little break from omnivorism, I recommend checking out burgeoning veggie blog The Mean Bean. Me, I seem to have momentarily misplaced my appetite.

**And now your Moment of Zen: Albert Schweitzer, a devout vegetarian, was a great cat lover. If his cat happened to fall asleep on his left arm (with which we wrote), we would write with his right hand rather than disturb the slumbering feline.

Bigger Better Faster More

Point of clarification: Why does Starbucks charge the same amount to substitute soy milk for cow milk regardless of the drink size? I mean, have you seen the size of the venti cups? And yet I pay the exact same forty cents to de-dairy my little tall cup. Corporate America, why must you punish those of us who consume in moderation?

Don't answer that.