Quiz Blog Part Two: Petro

Yesterday I posed the query: What nation provides the largest quantity of crude oil and petroleum products to the United States?

And you are truly gold-star worthy if you guessed...

CANADA!!!

Yup. Our partially French-speaking neighbors to the north are the single most effective crack peddler supporting our, in the vernacular, "addiction to foreign oil." Here are the top five:

1. Canada (17.2%)
2. Mexico (12.4%)
3. Saudi Arabia (10.7%)
4. Venezuela (10.4%)
5. Nigeria (8.1%)

Surprised? I was. I suspect FOXNN might be, too. Or, you know, not.

This and other fascinating information about America's foreign oil dependence is available here at the Department of Energy's website. And by "fascinating information" I mean tidbits like the fact that the U.S. is currently the third largest oil producer on the planet. Want to guess where we rank in consumption?

In the meantime, however, I am pleased to announce that we can now officially blame Canada. Like so:



(Warning: Video not entirely safe for work...)

Quiz Blog Part One: Petro

Gold star to anyone who can answer this correctly without resorting to Google:

What nation provides the largest quantity of crude oil and petroleum products to the United States (clocking in at an impressive 17.2 percent)?

I'll post the answer tomorrow. And you only get a silver star if you Google it!

Ich bin ein...

Those are Berliners. Citizens of the world. Waving an American flag. Not burning it.

Oh please let it be January.

The Wrenching of Guts

Today I have consumed one cup of coffee, one cup of yogurt, one Kashi bar, one fake-meat sandwich (cut diagonally, of course), 72 ounces of water, one single-serving mac and cheese, and six pieces of steamed asparagus. No, I'm not starting a food diary. I'm just contextualizing myself.

This weekend my friend Lauren altered me to a series of images published in Peter Menzel's Hungry Planet: What the World Eats. Menzel's project involved interviewing families regarding their eating habits and then photographing them with all of the products they consume in an average week. For example, America:



Meet the Revis, a family of four from North Carolina that spends an average of $341.98 on food per week. (Full disclosure: I totally use that coffee creamer.)

Now let's meet the Manzos, a Sicilian family of four (point three). For an affordable $260.10 a week, this is what they consume:



So much less plastic! (Or, reconfigured in Americanese, so many more carbs!)

The juxtaposition is revealing on many counts, but in the end, the First World is the First World is the First World. Even the esteemed Dr. Atkins could, I suspect, muddle through for a fortnight.

But there are other worlds. Worlds inhabited by families like the Aboubakars. Here's what they eat for $1.23 a week (a week)... and don't forget to divide by six:



Of course those photos were taken several years ago. I suspect the Aboubakars may now have even less to eat. Today five people were killed in food riots in Somalia. I guess $1.23 doesn't go as far as it used to.

For more images from Hungry Planet, visit TIME's photo series here and here.

Bigfoot Sightings

In honor of Earth Day on April 22, I will be devoting several of this week's posts to environmental issues. Today I'd like to talk about your shoes. No, not the fact that you've chosen to wear charcoal grey slacks with brown dress-tennies (although that's also a problem). Rather, I'd like to talk about your footprint — your carbon footprint.

Your carbon footprint measures the extent of the adverse impact you have on the environment merely through virtue of your existence in a modern industrial society. The measurement is based on the estimated amount of CO2 emissions you produce each day. The less "green" your lifestyle, the greater your carbon footprint.

The Environmental Protection Agency offers one of many Carbon Footprint Calculators (although they call theirs a Personal Emissions Calculator because if they used the parlance of the people their collective head would explode). According to the EPA, the average two-person household produces about 41,500 pounds of carbon emissions over the course of the year. My husband and I came in at an estimated 33,500. That's better than average, but given the consumption averages of the stereotypical American, that's like saying we're funnier than Jamie Kennedy.

Another fun calculator is at Carbon Footprint. Their calculator allows for more detailed information in terms of dietary habits, travel habits and so forth. My carbon footprint there came out to 7.654. That just a little over one-third of the average American's carbon footprint (20), about two-thirds of the average First-Worlder (11), but almost twice as much as that produced by the average human worldwide (4). I suppose for an imperialist swine I'm doing pretty well (I suspect not eating meat has a lot do with it), but given the worldwide target of 2...

My feet hurt.

But the news isn't all tragic! According to the EPA, if my husband and I replaced six light bulbs in our home with energy-efficient bulbs, it would reduce our annual carbon shoe size by two percent. Done and done.

Click here to see what you can do to quit kicking the planet in the face.

Out of the Frying Pan into the Popper

Problem: Reliance on foreign oil.

Solution: Fuel cars with corn instead.

New Problem: Rapidly spreading global famine leads to accusations that biofuels constitute a human rights violation.

New Solution: Given our proclivity for invading four-lettered nation-states that begin with the letter I, move that we invade Iowa and nationalize all arable land.

Or, we could always do that potato famine thing again.

Mourning Iraq

Yesterday was the five-year anniversary of the War in Iraq, a war which Donald Rumsfeld once estimated may last for six days; indeed, on May 1, 2003 the president himself declared that the war was effectively over and won.

I guess the citizens of an occupied sovereign nation insurgents didn't get the memo.

Since we invaded Iraq, approximately 4,000 American soldiers have died needlessly, violently, tragically, as a result; estimates of the number of Iraqis killed since the beginning of the invasion vary from the appalling to the grotesque.

Yesterday, a reporter had the temerity to point out to Darth President Cheney that two-thirds of American people believe that the war is not worth fighting. Cheney's response was precisely one word in length:

"So?"

Watch it for yourself:



The traditional fifth year anniversary gift is wood. It seems a fitting material.

Would You Like Blood on Your Hands with That?

According to this Human Rights Watch article, "The Chinese government should abolish the use of income-generating child labor schemes in middle and junior high schools because of their chronic abuses." Should. As in, currently does not. Apparently, while the government approves of such, ah, occupation learning practices as improving school facilities or "producing small handicrafts over summer breaks" (read: Crappy Meal toys) as a part of the state-approved Work and Study Program, recent reports have surfaced that students are being placed in heavy manufacturing positions as part of state school curriculum.

I know what argument I'm going to marshal the next time a student tells me I give too much homework.

Or... the next time Schwarzenegger announces impending statewide education budget cuts...

A Modest Proposal

ATTN: Californians

Do you enjoy shouldering a disproportionate amount of the federal tax burden? Handicapping our biotech industry because someone somewhere in Arkansas thinks stem cells are people? Watching in disgust as the American economy tanks while we remain one of the top ten economies internationally?

If not, then get involved with the Californian independence movement and join the fight for secession!

Now I know what you're thinking — if we secede we'll have to pay really high tariffs on all those wonderful manufactured goods from Michigan and Pennsylvania and whatnot. Oh really? What manufactured goods? All those jobs have long since been outsourced to Mexico thanks to NAFTA! As a nation located in North America, the People's Republic of California (working title) would continue to profit hand over fist off of the indentured servitude of Mexican children. Thanks to the Clintons (who rammed NAFTA through congress in 1993), California can retain its top-tier economic status without its citizens having to feel honor-bound to pay twice as much for domestically manufactured goods.

What's more, we've been producing the lion's share of the nation's food for the past 50 years, averaging $32 billion in profits annually. You want cheese from our happy cows, Las Vegans? Better double down.

Of course I anticipate that there may be problems, namely illegal immigration. We just need to lay it down up front. Texans need not apply, and should probably go get a job, the lazy bastards.

Come on, fellow golden staters, and join with me now. Free the Bear! Free the Bear! Free the Bear!

Of Paupers and Princes

Today I watched a movie featuring a rat. I took each of my dogs for her own walk. I met my husband's uncle, a traveling pastor, and his exceedingly kind wife for the first time. I drank a glass of Merlot. I read an article in The Nation discussing the irrelevance of atheism in carving out a new Muslim identity in the New World**. I contemplated joining the Sierra Club. I ate a plate of leftover lasagna.

What I did not do was purchase anything.

In addition to being the much-touted "biggest shopping day of the year" (vomit) today is also Buy Nothing Day, a loosely organized 24-hour moratorium on shopping designed to stick it to the capitalist running dogs (and, in my case, involved literal running dogs). The crux of Buy Nothing Day is to raise awareness of the greedily excessive nature of American consumer culture and the adverse impact of that culture on our environment - and also our souls, if one trucks with such concepts.

Interestingly enough, MTV (of tits and ass fame) refused to run a paid add publicizing Buy Nothing Day on the grounds that the content was objectionable for their young viewers. Yeeeeeeeah. The add may be viewed here. Be forewarned - there's a remarkable dearth of both tits and ass. Won't somebody think of the children?

** This is what we're being called again, much to my immense amusement. The New World, that is. Not atheists. Although possibly that too.