Got Legs?

Yesterday I saw a man in a wheelchair wrestling with his keyring in the building where I work. Both of his legs had been amputated at the knee. As I walked behind him I glanced at his t-shirt. Poking above the top of the chair's seat was the image of a frog. The caption above?

That's right.

"Got legs?"

I. am. not. making. this. up.

I have secretly named him Mr. Beckett because he is clearly that kind of awesome.

And in completely unrelated news, your Moment of Zen, featuring break-dancing Russians who really love Sarah Palin (like really a lot):



Aaaand here's a direct link.

I Heart Expensive Sandwiches (#63)

Today I accidentally discovered what is officially the best blog ever: Stuff White People Like.

My favorite excerpt is from the Prius entry (which clocked in at #60 on the top 100). "The Prius might be the most perfect white product ever," writes our faithful satirist. "It’s expensive, gives the idea that you are helping the environment, and requires no commitment/changes other than money."

On the nose indeed; my nose, and possibly yours. I confess, I am also fond of scarves (#97), yoga (#15) and coffee (#1, of course).

As white culture (or, acknowledging that no such thing exists, more appropriately white yuppie culture) moves from "the culture" to "one of many ethnic subcultures" I think such satirizing can only benefit matters. But then, white people do love irony (#50).

And Road Runner for Veep Veep?

Apparently Obama has offered the Treasury Secretary position to Hannah Montana. I can only say that she's bound to be a step up from the current guy.

The Bush Signal

I stumbled across an article today entitled "Bush Says He Lets Red Phone Go Straight to Voicemail". In the article, President Bush responds to Hillary Clinton's recent "red phone" attack ads in which she implies that in the event of a global disaster, neophyte Barack Obama would let terrorists eat your sleeping toddlers.

The first few paragraphs from the article contain a rather disturbing confession from the President:

President George W. Bush commented on Sen. Hillary Clinton's controversial "red phone" campaign ads at the White House today, telling reporters, "When that red phone rings, I just let it go straight to voicemail."

Mr. Bush rarely comments about the Democratic presidential contest, but he said that he had to speak up about Sen. Clinton's red phone ads because he found them "so confusing."

"If I answered the red phone every time it rang, I would never get any sleep," Mr. Bush said. "Sometimes it starts ringing at 9 PM, and I am already tucked in by then."

The sad thing is, I didn't realize the article was a satire until the second to last paragraph, wherein former President Clinton attests that he always used to answer the red phone in case it was a "booty call." And I'm not the only one — the comments section is full of readers who also thought the article was legit until halfway through. How tragically comic that so many citizens find the notion of President Bush letting the machine pick up in face of nuclear disaster plausible.

A Modest Proposal

ATTN: Californians

Do you enjoy shouldering a disproportionate amount of the federal tax burden? Handicapping our biotech industry because someone somewhere in Arkansas thinks stem cells are people? Watching in disgust as the American economy tanks while we remain one of the top ten economies internationally?

If not, then get involved with the Californian independence movement and join the fight for secession!

Now I know what you're thinking — if we secede we'll have to pay really high tariffs on all those wonderful manufactured goods from Michigan and Pennsylvania and whatnot. Oh really? What manufactured goods? All those jobs have long since been outsourced to Mexico thanks to NAFTA! As a nation located in North America, the People's Republic of California (working title) would continue to profit hand over fist off of the indentured servitude of Mexican children. Thanks to the Clintons (who rammed NAFTA through congress in 1993), California can retain its top-tier economic status without its citizens having to feel honor-bound to pay twice as much for domestically manufactured goods.

What's more, we've been producing the lion's share of the nation's food for the past 50 years, averaging $32 billion in profits annually. You want cheese from our happy cows, Las Vegans? Better double down.

Of course I anticipate that there may be problems, namely illegal immigration. We just need to lay it down up front. Texans need not apply, and should probably go get a job, the lazy bastards.

Come on, fellow golden staters, and join with me now. Free the Bear! Free the Bear! Free the Bear!