This Just In?

Today, in between learning that Senator John McCain (of "only an a—hole would put together a budget like this" fame**) is calling for a higher level of dialogue among the Republican candidates and that Senator Barack Obama has proposed a $75 billion economic relief package including immediate middle class tax cuts and a one-time increase in Social Security payments, I learned something else — Britney Spears has lost visitation rights with her children.

Who cares??? Why oh why must I subjected to the intimate judicial goings on of some has-been pop trollop when I'm trying to WATCH THE NEWS?!?!?

Excuse me while I try not to hyperventilate.

See. Here's the thing. I walk around all day long with all manner of utterly useless junk in my head. The Lost numbers are 4-8-15-16-23-42. President Lincoln changed his facial hair stylings because some little girl wrote him a letter saying that he ought to. My mother's baby-sitter grew up to marry Alex Trebec. See, useless! So the last thing I need when I'm trying to wade through the spinning smoking scraps of scurrilousness that comprise politics in contemporary America is getting poked in the eye by Britney "Lousy Weave" Spears.

**And Now Your Moment of Zen:

Pete Domenici, the senator who John McCain called an a—hole, endorsed McCain's presidential candidacy on Monday.