Ground Control to Major Tom

I'd like to break my week-long silence to share with you the super-special knowledge that, according to a highly reputable source, non-Earth lifeforms have indeed contacted the planet Earth.

And by "highly reputable" I mean NASA astronaut Edgar Mitchell, record-holder for the longest moonwalk.

Now, granted, astronauts have a tendency to later devote themselves to careers as alcoholics and artists (and hey, same difference, right?). But still. I consider this to be totally reliable.

My mind is officially blown. For serial.

(Okay, posterity demands the following: I am fairly certain humans are not the only cognizant lifeforms in the universe. However, I am equally certain that given known technological mechanisms — or even edgily and fantastically theorized technological mechansims — it's probably just us. Suck, I know. Captain Picard for President, etc. etc.)

Why Cats Are Jerks

According the New York Post, a contractor was committed to a mental asylum for attempting to rescue a cat who squeezed into a hole in a wall and refused to come out for several days (rescue attempts apparently included knocking down three walls). After 60 hours, the cat was found and the man was released.

I'm certain the cat found the entire endeavor most amusing.

Ich bin ein...

Those are Berliners. Citizens of the world. Waving an American flag. Not burning it.

Oh please let it be January.

Insert Skeletal Pun Here

One of the things that seems to happen to me every summer is the discovery of some excellent television show (which I assert do, in point of fact, exist) that for some reason I have been totally oblivious to up till that point. This summer, being no exception to the pattern, has brought me Bones, the story of a crime-fighting forensic anthropologist and her actor-formerly-known-as-Angel partner.

Looking back, I think the reason I didn't start watching this show three years ago was that I was still livid over the cancellation of Angel, which I have now almost kind of gotten over (recent purchase of full-series DVD box set notwithstanding). The show really does have a little bit of everything: CSI-style mystery of the week, seasonal arcs that manage not to be too intrusive, humor that generally avoids the overly pedestrian, and of course the requisite star-crossed should-be lovers.

Plus, all of season one is currently up for free at Hulu, so really, you have no excuse.

Tripolar

Last night I saw a car with three bumper stickers on the back:

1. Ron Paul 2008

2. Barack Obama 2008

3. Anti-Gay Marriage (with American flag graphic)

...

O-kay.

Clicking Our Heels

A few days ago Still-President Bush lifted an executive order banning expanded oil drilling off of American coasts (originally issued by his father). Today, the Interior Department opened up 2.6 million acres of Alaskan land for "energy exploration" (that's code for ripping up the Earth to extract something crude).

And look! Oil prices are dropping already! Clearly we have causality!

Except for the fact that oil had actually begun to drop a week ago. But don't tell the man behind the curtain that.

mobile ME

It's likely that Steve Jobs is, perhaps, somewhat responsible for the success of Apple. Probably maybe. But. Today I realized that he truly is standing on the shoulders of giants — giant spoiled brats. Like me.

See, Cult of Mac members don't just own computers. We feel ownership regarding our computers, in that cheesy social worker sense of the word. Mac enthusiasts believe that their computers have some sort of moral obligation to meet their every need, current or future, plausible or implausible. And if the computer should fail in that noble task, the Mac enthusiast is truly offended. It's like if your best friend doesn't call you back for a day and a half. Hello, rude.

As evidence I offer reactions to the launch of the iTunes app store, allowing users to download third party applications for their iPhones (translation: software developed by someone who doesn't work for Apple). More than excitement or gratitude, the overwhelming tenor of comments I have read are almost peeved, evincing a genuine and self-righteous sense of annoyance that Apple hadn't developed any such thing sooner. Jerks.

Confessedly, I share this mentality myself. The apps developed thus far for two-way syncing of Google Calendar on an iPhone and a traditional computer are, in a word, utterlyanddeeplydissatisfying. Resultingly, cutting into my total glee towards my new iPhone is a penumbra of, "I can't believe someone hasn't already thought of and created this. Eye roll."

Shoulders of giant spoiled brats.

I assert, however, that this is actually a good thing. Macophiles' sense of entitlement increases the productivity not only of the source corporation (Apple) but of the consumers themselves, many of whom contribute to solving the problems they identify long before Apple gets around to it. If my parents' generation is the Me Generation, then perhaps mine is the Mobile Me Generation. (Not that I'm going to purchase Mobile Me — that was just a too convenient rhetorical device. Google totally already does all of that for free. Pfft.)

None of this is to say that Mac users are more obnoxious than PC users. Because they're totally obnoxious, too. But that's a different post.

Panic at the Disco

There's something wrong with the economy. I know it. You know it. I've had to restructure my personal finances to accommodate rising gas costs. The condo diagonally above us has been empty for over a year. IndyMac got bailed out — no, seized — yesterday (and I only kind of even know what that means). Smart people are telling me to get out of the stock market. Not that I'm in the stock market (I won't even buy into a poker game for more than three bucks), but it's well-intended and urgently delivered advice.

And while I've read many attempts at analyzing fragments of the problem, I've had a hard time wrapping my head around exactly what the hell is going on.

Today I read an interesting and historically informed article attempting to holistically answer that question: The Panic of 2008: A Turning Point.

Check it out.

Tragically, Hips

I hate it when this happens to me. I was totally going to start an awesome line of leggings that make even mannequins look hip-heavy, but then Lindsay Lohan went and stole all of my ideas!

There's no way she thought of leopard ankle gloves first. No way.

A Moment of Silence Is in Order

Bow your heads for the Fourth Amendment. Lord knows the Senate won't.

Senate Passes FISA Bill, Gives Telecoms Immunity