Gone Fishing

Laughter Shrapnel is on vacation through June 11 while I'm out of town grading scads of A.P. World History essays.

Cheers!

Replicants

In what can only be lauded as truly flexible government, China has responded to the death of 65,000 of its citizens in an earthquake by relaxing restrictions on the one-child rule.

Yes, that's right, if you're a Chinese citizen and your child has just been crushed beneath rubble, you'll be pleased to know that you are free to manufacture a replacement without having to pay the usual fines. This is the kind of gift the Chinese government generally reserves for more severe tragedies, such as one's first-born child being female.

I Heart Expensive Sandwiches (#63)

Today I accidentally discovered what is officially the best blog ever: Stuff White People Like.

My favorite excerpt is from the Prius entry (which clocked in at #60 on the top 100). "The Prius might be the most perfect white product ever," writes our faithful satirist. "It’s expensive, gives the idea that you are helping the environment, and requires no commitment/changes other than money."

On the nose indeed; my nose, and possibly yours. I confess, I am also fond of scarves (#97), yoga (#15) and coffee (#1, of course).

As white culture (or, acknowledging that no such thing exists, more appropriately white yuppie culture) moves from "the culture" to "one of many ethnic subcultures" I think such satirizing can only benefit matters. But then, white people do love irony (#50).

I'd Like the Conch Now, Please

The thing about malpractice in my profession, it's not like we can accidentally forget to remove a surgical instrument from your abdominal cavity and sew you back up and send you out into the world full of festering metal.

But there are other things we can do:

Teacher Has Students Vote on Whether 5-Year-Old Can Stay in Class

Humanity I Love You

A group of "electro-sensitive" people are taking action against Santa Fe to have WiFi banned in public buildings on the grounds that they are "allergic" to wireless signals. Their argument is that the WiFi banning should be included under Americans with Disabilities Act regulations. One of the plaintiffs asserts that cell and WiFi signals give him chest pains. (I'd see a doctor about that, but I guess the City Attorney works too.)

I'm actually very excited about this bold new legal initiative; I believe this lawsuit will pave the way for the action I plan to bring against the City of San Diego arguing that stupid people should be banned from public buildings on that grounds that I am allergic to them.

Q&A with LOL Cats

Q: What, pray tell, is a LOL cat?

A:


Q: Who, pray tell, have the LOL cats endorsed?

A:


Lo and verily, it is true. They even have an Obama campaign website, the aptly titled Yes We Can Has.

But perhaps the real question is this:

Q: Why, pray tell, is a LOL cat?

A:

Lieberman Meets the Intertubes

The inevitable day has finally come — someone told Joe Lieberman (world-renowned DINO) about the Internet, and more specifically, YouTube. Lieberman, apparently, skipped right past the porn and pandas and moved directly into searching for some combination of "people" and "who" and "hate" and "Jews." But I mean, who hasn't done that search, right?**

Lieberman sent a letter to YouTube demanding the removal of a plethora of content he deemed offensive (clearly a better use of my tax dollars than, say, figuring out a way to get out of Iraq). YouTube's response , excerpted below, is pretty awesome:

Senator Lieberman's staff identified numerous videos that they believed violated YouTube's Community Guidelines. In response to his concerns, we examined and ended up removing a number of videos from the site, primarily because they depicted gratuitous violence, advocated violence, or used hate speech. Most of the videos, which did not contain violent or hate speech content, were not removed because they do not violate our Community Guidelines.

Senator Lieberman stated his belief, in a letter sent today, that all videos mentioning or featuring these groups should be removed from YouTube -- even legal nonviolent or non-hate speech videos. While we respect and understand his views, YouTube encourages free speech and defends everyone's right to express unpopular points of view. We believe that YouTube is a richer and more relevant platform for users precisely because it hosts a diverse range of views, and rather than stifle debate we allow our users to view all acceptable content and make up their own minds. Of course, users are always free to express their disagreement with a particular video on the site, by leaving comments or their own response video. That debate is healthy.

Intertubes 1, Lieberman -8 bajillion. (In all fairness, the guy was already in a pretty deep hole.)

**Disclaimer: I haven't.

Two Percent of Oregon

According to the United States Census Bureau, Oregon has 3,700,758 residents. According to the Portland Fire and Rescue Department, 75,000 people turned out today to see Barack Obama speak — by far the largest crowd Obama (let alone any other politician) has drawn this election cycle.

To put that in perspective, that is one out of every 50 people in the state of Oregon.

Here's what that looks like:





Of course, not everyone is excited. Here's what username Sarah Alton had to say in response to an article about the rally on the Wall Street Journal website:

"Obama - the Candidate as Anti-Christ.
Consider his rockstar status among young voters, his ability to continuously lie without impunity, his connections to mob members and terrorist both real and wannabes. His strong and unscrupulous desire for raw power, at any cost, regardless what it does to others, (he became senator simply by disqualifying his opponents). His empty words and changing promises, his desire to be friends with those who wish to destroy us. His wife Michele has expressed her hatred for this country and has publicly announced her husband as the messiah.
Perhaps you will need to explain to God why you voted for an antichrist, but I am not going to be on that dark list on judgment day."

For the record, a big old [SIC] to all that. Sadly for Sarah Alton, I don't think the Ku Klux Krazypants rallies are drawing 70K crowds these days.

What Else Does Tom Do?

Somewhat to my shock, I am now in possession of two tenth-row tickets to the Tom Waits concert in Phoenix — the only even semi-West Coast location on his 11-stop tour (his first since 2006, and as is always speculated vis a vis Waits, possibly his last). The show sold out online in a matter of minutes; my husband and I logged on at the same time at noon on the dot, and while I got through, he got a "tickets no longer available" message.

Why, you may wonder, is this guy worth so much arterial palpitation?

Behold:



And here, have a direct link.

Who Needs Profs When We've Got Podcasts

Today John McCain gave a speech in which he described what the world will look like in 2013, at the end of his first term. While you'll be pleased to know that we won't have been attacked by terrorists (but only if we vote for him and not that Hammas-loving Nazi appeaser), I'd like to focus on McCain's comments on education. Remember, he's speaking in the present-tense about things that haven't happened yet:

"Public education in the United States is much improved thanks to the competition provided by charter and private schools; the increase of quality teachers through incentives like merit pay and terrific programs that attract to the classroom enthusiastic and innovative teachers from many disciplines, like Teach for America and Troops to Teachers. Educational software and online teaching programs endorsed by qualified non profits are much more widely in use, bringing to the smallest classrooms in America some of the greatest math, English, and science teachers in the country. This revolution in teaching methods has especially benefited rural America. Test scores and graduation rates are rising everywhere in the country."

Allow me to repeat for emphasis:

"Public education in the United States is much improved thanks to the competition provided by charter and private schools."

You'll notice there is no mention whatsoever about increasing funding for education, nor is there any mention of eliminating underfunded federal mandates (*cough*No Child Left Behind*cough*). Just a promise that good old Adam Smith capitalism will solve all of our problems, because clearly the only reason that our schools are so rotten (which, point of order, they are not) is because we're just not scared enough about the competition. We're being lazy, see, because we're the only gig in town, so you can take your crappy teachers and you can like it or lump it!

Problem: As federal mandates increase and state economies tank, education nationwide is becoming increasingly underfunded. In California this is presently resulting in a tens of thousands of teachers being laid off; predictably, as teacher layoffs become the norm, enrollment in teacher credentialing programs is declining. Just last week one of my students who has wanted to be a teacher for the three years I've known her told me she's going to be majoring in business in the fall because she figures if she becomes a teacher she'll just get fired. Now, I don't know if John McCain knows this or not, but private school teachers? Charter school teachers? They get recruited from those same teaching programs where enrollment is rapidly dropping off.

No, Senator Nostradamus McCain, the problem with education isn't that we need to be kept even further on our toes — we're already damn ballerinas — the problem is that we need stable, adequate funding and a confident, well-qualified recruitment pool.

Private or not, administrators are going to be facing increasing difficulty in staffing schools with qualified teachers. And I'm sorry, but using "online teaching programs endorsed by qualified non profits" to beam in "some of the greatest math, English, and science teachers in the country" is simply not going to serve as an adequate replacement for an actual human being in the classroom. Anyone with a teaching credential (read: not McCain) knows that no eight-year-old is going to learn math from watching some guy lecture about it. The notion would be laughable, except McCain's not kidding.

I suspect even Adam Smith would be put off. In his seminal The Wealth of Nations he wrote, "The education of common people requires, in a civilized and commercial society, the attention of the state."