Give Me That Old Time Social Stratification

This just in: 80,000 jobs slashed in March! Unemployment rate surpasses five percent! Even Ben "Just Go Buy More DVD's or Something" Bernake admits recession is all but inevitable!

But for those of you who had the good fortune to be on the friendly end of the government's recent bailout of your imploding multinational corporation and find yourself with a few extra million to throw around, may I suggest a diamond-studded thong? With its 518 brilliant-cut diamonds and 27 white gold tassels, really, it's quite tasteful.

Speaking of government bailouts, Bill Maher made a good point — why is it that when we socialize corporate profits it's the Attack of the Red Menace, but when we socialize corporate losses it's good business? And why aren't we socializing Homeowner Joe's losses?

I think it's time for the man behind the curtain to start singing for his supper.

Spin Me Right Round

Today NBC announced that The Office is going to have a spin-off. I decided I'd like to have a spin-off of my life. It could star my dogs, my husband, and a bunch of random people he works with. Or whatever. The point is that when my life became too odious to bear, I could randomly drop into the spin-off and play a bit part in some story entitled "Cole and the Mystery of the Misplaced Sheet Music".

Someone, make this happen.

Sometimes My Brother Emails Me Things

Things I learned today from The Internets:

1. There is a Russian YouTube. Awesomely, it is called RuTube.

2. Russians are into some pretty weird stuff. And I'm not even talking about the fact that their alphabet looks like sneezes.

3. That weird stuff includes a two-legged dog who walks on her own hind legs. I'm not even kidding.

4. The first hit produced by a Google image search for "Russian culture" is a picture of a set of traditional hand-painted Russian nesting dolls. The first hit produced by a Google image search for "American culture" is a lawyer joke cartoon.

5. The seventh hit for both searches is a shirtless person.

Chicken Dinner

Having recently seen 21, I have decided to formally declare my intention to become a card shark forthwith through perfection of the art and science of the counting of cards.

I will, however, refrain from buying ugly white Gucci suits.

We're All Going to Die

A world renowned cancer researcher is in the process of publishing an extensive, independent, peer-reviewed study concluding that cell phones pose a greater public heath threat than cigarettes and asbestos. I guess it takes about a decade of consistent cell phone usage for brain tumors to begin to manifest. And I guess it's been about a decade now.

Yeah, so, we're all totally dead.

Funereal

It struck me today that flowers start to look more beautiful when they begin to die a little.

Creepy.

Just like Crack. Fuzzy Crack.

How did I not know about this website?

Freedom Zero

According to GNU Operating System, free software requires the existence of four freedoms:

— The freedom to run the program, for any purpose (freedom 0).

— The freedom to study how the program works, and adapt it to your needs (freedom 1). Access to the source code is a precondition for this.

— The freedom to redistribute copies so you can help your neighbor (freedom 2).

— The freedom to improve the program, and release your improvements to the public, so that the whole community benefits (freedom 3). Access to the source code is a precondition for this.

Per GNU, "To understand the concept, you should think of free as in free speech, not as in free beer." This is an important distinction for those of us who came of eAge alongside Napster. It wasn't about the free(dom) of the music, but the freedom to the music.

I find the concept of Freedom Zero particularly enticing, and wonder what it's sociopolitical parallels might be. Not that free software isn't political; it very clearly is.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Crazypants

Dude. James Carville is totally Voldemort!

Although if James Carville is Voldemort, then George W. Bush is not, which means that John McCain is not his horcrux after all.

This theory requires massaging.

Proto-Tagonist

In 1667 John Milton wrote "Paradise Lost", a romping ten-book philosophical poem, in an explicit attempt to "justify the ways of god to man." It occurs to me that perhaps the real purpose of philosophy, however, is and always has been to justify the ways of man to god.

Or whatever.