Why I Want to Be a Lizard

Based on extensive observation of my bearded dragons, I have decided to convert for the following reasons:

1. They get to sit in a warm, sunny spot and stare at the wall all day.
2. Food falls from the sky at regular intervals.
3. They've got a great angle on the TV.
4. When life gets too stressful, they can go in their hidey hole and no one can make them come out.
5. They sleep ten hours a night.

So, my application is pending.

The downside is, of course, the whole eating crickets thing.