Birds Ate My Face

For years now I've been trying to talk my dentist into foregoing the novocain when she does her slice and dice thing. I've gotten her to switch over to carbocain, which she tells me is a weaker cousin of novocain used on heart patients and doesn't last as long. I've talked her down to half a dose of that, and then today when she did her drill and fill magic, I got her to cut it down to a third. The numbness wore off about halfway through, and it hurt like a mother. I was pretty stoked, actually.

This is not because I enjoy feeling like tiny gnomes are chiseling my teeth away from the inside out. I'm as averse to pain as the next person (and according to my husband, who has born witness more than one post toe-stub meltdown, more so). But the whole numb thing is, in my apparently freakish opinion, monumentally worse. It's like my skin has been replaced by teflon. Like bullets would bounce off of my face. Like I'm being prepped by a serial killer for a slow-moving meat grinder.

Suffice to say, I'll take the excruciating pain any day. Really. I just meditate. It's fine.

So you can imagine my utter and complete horror when I saw this: First Face Transplant Patient Makes Progress. The level of ick is compounded by the fact that her face was chewed off by her pet labrador while she was overdosing. There are literally no words sufficient to portray the extent of my revulsion.

Except, possibly, ew.